Trepidation
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "Deeks seemed so kind and genuine, yet still somehow sad and stifled, like there was something he wanted to say but just couldn't for some reason. Her mind wandered as to what that could possibly be, and her heart nearly stopped at what seemed like the most obvious conclusion: that he thought they were more than partners as well." (DENSI)
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to be a two or three chapter story, packed full with as much Densi as possible. I thought about making it into a full on **_**story, **_**but I knew that wasn't really possible. I hope you all enjoy, and if you do, please review as always! =)**

**-Hazel**

**(Just a little sidenote- all sentences in italics are inner thoughts)**

* * *

Kensi and Deeks sat in a hot parked car, which was sitting on the side of the road, baking in the California sun. The effects of a long stakeout were beginning to take the toll on the both of them, and Deeks was quickly losing his patience with his partner.

"Can you stop that? Like please?" Deeks asked, pointing to Kensi's foot as it tapped away impatiently on the floor of the car.

Her foot stopped moving and she tore her eyes away from the front window, shooting Deeks a stern glare.

"I'm just hungry," she stated matter-of-factly, not bothering to hide her mounting annoyance. They had been in that car for hours, with nothing better to do than stare out the window, waiting for their suspect to return home. At that point, it seemed like he never would.

Deeks interrupted her thoughts, and tried his very best to speak as gently as he possibly could. "Didn't you eat a burger already?"

She nearly flung at him in her own defense. "That was like four hours ago!" Collapsing back into the door, Kensi closed her eyes and let out a deep breath.

Deeks just smiled and nodded, trying incredibly hard not to laugh at her comment. Injecting some humor into the situation seemed like a good idea, so he went for it. "

Is it like 'that time of the month' or something? You seem a little agitated."

Kensi could hardly believe that he was asking her that. Recently they had been a bit more open to one another, sure, but Deeks was traveling into completely uncharted territory.

"Really Deeks? Did you seriously just ask me that?"

Her partner didn't seem phased. "You didn't say no," he added sheepishly, shrugging.

She punched him playfully in the arm, not meaning to inflict too much damage.

"Ow! That was uncalled for."

She grinned, seemingly pleased with herself. He was right though- her midsection was in knots. Suddenly an unexpected bought of cramps came on, and though she tried to breathe through it, Kensi couldn't wipe the displeasure off her face.

"Yup. I was right," he said with a smug grin, grabbing his water bottle from the cup holder and taking a long swig.

There was no use in hiding it anymore, so she finally consented.

Kensi threw her head back against her chair dramatically and grabbed her stomach. "I wanna kill someone, yet I also want a soft pretzel."

He laughed aloud at her sudden outburst, and then quickly furrowed his eyebrows in mock confusion.

"Isn't that you, like, every _normal _day?"

She shot him a death glare once more, and Deeks quickly turned his head so he was no longer looking her direction. "Right. Shutting up now."

The man didn't stay quiet for long though. It wasn't really his thing.

Sitting up to take a peek in the rearview mirror, Deeks caught a glimpse of himself and stopped for a moment to fix his hair.

"Do you like my new haircut?" He asked after messing around with it for a moment, turning his head in Kensi's direction.

"It looks _exactly _the same, Deeks."

He opened his mouth in mock horror. "Are you kidding me? This was like a sixty-dollar cut! I was going for a more professional look, ya know? Like, pro surfer on the weekends, but business professional during the week."

She chuckled and studied his face for a good minute, taking in his chiseled features and baby blue eyes. He was so goddamn handsome, but she swallowed those thoughts and opted for teasing him instead.

"The resemblance to Shaggy is still uncanny. You're a dead ringer, buddy."

She chuckled at her own joke, and all Deeks could manage to do was smirk.

"Ha-ha. Very funny. You know, there are many people that find all this-" he said, motioning around his face, "to be very attractive."

"Right. I'm sure that's the case." Kensi said with a playful spark in her eyes as she patted him on the leg. She definitely wasn't going to admit that she was, in fact, one of those people.

"I am very hot Fern- you just can't handle it."

She giggled before responding. "Oh is that the case?"

"Yes it is. Maybe I'm just not your type."

Kensi chuckled even louder the second time around.

"Ha! It's definitely not that. You are _totally _my type."

The moment the words escaped her mouth, she wished that she could retract them. There was a slight silence as Deeks stared her direction, his expression no longer one of amusement.

"What was that?" He asked, completely intrigued by her momentary slip up.

For a split second there, her walls had come tumbling down, and Kensi had given Deeks a peek into what she really had been thinking all those years of being _just partners_. But just as quickly as she had let him in, she locked him back out again.

"Nothing, Deeks."

That was Kensi's only reply as her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink and she swallowed hard, turning her head out the window.

Deeks wasn't ready to drop the conversation though. They had done that far too many times, and he wasn't sure when they would talk like _that _again. Rarely was he able to get her to speak so bluntly, so Deeks took the unusual opportunity and ran with it.

"No Kens. Please don't give me all that '_it's __nothing' _bullshit. I want to know what you meant." He spoke sincerely, and his expression was steadfast.

Kensi's heart rate increased to a nearly supersonic speed as she nervously ran one hand through her hair, wondering where their conversation was headed.

She laughed and threw her hands up in the air, only to let them collapse back down to her lap with a quiet thud.

"I don't know Deeks? What do you think it means?"

He didn't hesitate. "I think it means that I'm your type."

Pausing for a brief moment, Deeks shook his head, rewording his answer. "No, I think it means that _you _think I'm your type. I've known for quite a while, it's just taken a long time for you to finally figure it out."

_Well that conversation just took a turn. _

Kensi stared at him with wide eyes, not daring to say a peep. She wasn't even sure what her response was supposed to be- because she couldn't say what she was thinking aloud.

_Yeah, you're totally my type. I mean hey, what am I kidding myself? You are like practically perfect, in every way. And you just told me that you've been waiting for me to figure out that you are, in reality, totally my type. So how long have you been thinking about this? Have you been thinking about us often? Because I have._

Nope- she definitely wasn't going to say that.

Kensi eventually shook her head with a tiny grin and glanced down to her lap. Deeks waited for her to say something more, but she was quiet. He considered asking again, but he could feel her struggling for words, so instead he just waited.

They both nearly jumped out of their seats as Kensi's cell phone began to ring on her lap. Breaking eye contact with Deeks, she quickly reached for it and answered the call as she read the caller- ID: it was Eric.

"Hey Eric! What's up?" Kensi asked into the phone, overly enthusiastic. She was partially thankful for Eric's call, but partially annoyed as well. Him and Callen both had a tendency to interrupt her and Deeks at rather unfortunate times.

"Um… Callen and Sam just picked up your suspect around the block. Did you guys not notice him? The security camera has him going to the front door, then stopping and making his way around the back."

"Uhh…" Kensi glanced up to a puzzled Deeks, then looked back out the window. "Nope. Missed him. We'll meet them at the boatshed. Bye."

She hung up the phone and dropped it to her lap, as if it carried some form of an infectious disease or something.

Deeks cleared his throat loudly, pulling Kensi back into reality.

"So I'm driving to the boatshed?" Deeks asked, dropping their previous conversation entirely.

"What? How did you know that? Did you hear what he said?" Kensi asked, way too defensive for her behavior to be considered normal.

"Um, no. You said it. Aloud." He replied, confused.

"Oh, right. Sorry."

Deeks kept his eyes on her for a moment before turning to face the road and starting the engine. Sadly, he knew that would have to wrap up their conversation at a later time.

And Deeks was going to make sure that they did.


	2. Chapter 2

**If I could, I would add a third category for this chapter: drama. **** There will still be some funny moments thrown in there though, I promise. Please review as always! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"The suspect is going into lockup for the night… we'll talk to him again in the morning."

Callen rolled his neck as he spoke, obviously worn out from a long day of stakeouts. He stood alongside Sam, Deeks and Kensi in the bullpen, ready to go home for the evening.

Kensi and Deeks were standing a safe distance apart, slightly farther than usual. They had driven to the boatshed and then to OSP in silence, neither one daring to pop the fragile bubble of silence that they'd built up around themselves.

Eventually though, they would have to address their feelings for one another, rather than continuing to hide them under a mask of jibes and jokes.

Sam spoke up, agreeing with his partner. "Yeah I'm done for the night. See you guys in the morning?"

They all three nodded in mutual understanding, each team member replicating the other's feeling of exhaustion. Sam and Callen both grabbed their gear and slipped out the door, but Kensi and Deeks stood still for a long moment.

Kensi was looking around the room for answers, as if searching the walls with her eyes was going to give her some inkling as to what she was supposed to say. Obviously, they didn't, but eventually Deeks turned to face Kensi, momentarily putting her out of her misery.

"So… I'll see you tomorrow?"

He spoke the words through slightly gritted teeth, obviously not wanting to leave their conversation at that, but he really had no other choice. Every other possible option seemed strange and forced, and that wasn't at all what Deeks wanted.

He wanted Kensi to open up to him on her own terms, when she felt good about it. Not because she thought it was necessary for them to move on.

No, that certainly wouldn't do.

Kensi stared at her feet before eventually looking up to meet his eyes. He noticed that hers were surprisingly misty, which was rare.

She just didn't want to leave him like that- to leave so many words unspoken. On the other hand though, standing in the bullpen late at night and confessing her true feelings for him definitely wasn't a great idea either.

Loving him was one thing- it was easy to fall in love with Marty Deeks. Telling him how she felt; well that was an entirely different and exceedingly challenging ordeal.

Three very special little words were on the tip of her tongue, but she suppressed them for a later date.

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

Deeks had lost her for the night, and knew it as Kensi nodded with half a grin and spun around to face her desk. He leaned back against his and watched Kensi as she frantically grabbed her backpack and car keys, awkwardly maneuvering around him.

Quietly muttering, "night," Kensi slipped out of the bullpen and speed walked to the back door.

Once she crossed the threshold, she pulled the door shut behind her and prayed for a little more time to make it to her car before Deeks exited as well. If she saw his face again, she might have a much harder time stopping herself from telling him how she felt.

Kensi wasn't sure what it was about his facial expression that made her just want to spill her heart out, and hand it to him on a silver platter. He seemed so kind and genuine, yet still somehow sad and stifled, like there was something he wanted to say but just couldn't for some reason.

Her mind wandered as to what that could possibly be, and her heart nearly stopped at what seemed like the most obvious conclusion: that he thought they were more than partners as well.

* * *

Kensi had gotten into her car and nearly driven home, before stopping on a whim and wheeling into the parking lot of a local bar. She remembered regrettably that she was all out of beer at home, which was a rare occurrence, and that if she wanted a drink she'd have to get it herself, outside the comfort of her own home.

Trying her very best to avoid making eye contact with anyone in particular, Kensi walked into the bar with her head tucked, sliding into the first available seat where she could have some peace and quiet.

The bartender made his way over towards her, and before he could even ask the implied question she responded.

"A beer please… whatever you have on tap. Thanks."

He gave her a small smile and nodded. She exhaled a deep breath and put her elbows up on the bar, making room for her to lean her head into her hands.

Why was everything so difficult with him? It should all be so simple- they had made their feelings for one another quite apparent over the years. Sure, they both teased each other loads- probably more than most normal partners would. But then again, they weren't normal partners.

You never see Sam and Callen getting into a tiff over exactly what their words meant, or why they phrased something a certain way. Normal partners don't look at each other like Kensi and Deeks did, nor do they feel the same strange hurt feeling that Kensi was feeling that night.

It hurt because he didn't stop her and kiss her before she left. It hurt because he failed to tell her that he loved her, which was how she desperately hoped he felt. She knew that the feeling wasn't going to just disappear though- it was going to hurt. It was going to hurt because it _mattered. _

Kensi was snapped out of her train of thought, which was quickly derailing and sending her on a path straight to sorrow-ville, as a beer was placed in front of her.

She took one long swig and set it back down, sighing once again as her eyes glazed over and she stared at the solid oak counter of the bar.

Being in love with your partner is a dangerous path to follow, but she truly couldn't avoid it. She'd unsuccessfully tried that for years, and it hadn't quite worked out in her favor.

Her cell phone buzzed once in her pocket, and she swiftly reached down, pulling it out and pressing the power button to reveal her lock screen. There was one new text message- and it was from Deeks.

"_Sorry for teasing you earlier about your lady problems. And for the other stuff. –D"_

Was that really what he was going to call what they talked about earlier? _Other stuff? _Sometimes he was more difficult to read than she was.

She struggled with what she should reply with. What could she possibly say to that? After contemplation and four more sips of beer, she began to type.

"_No worries about the lady problems. But we should probably discuss the 'other stuff' soon, don't you think?"_

She considered signing the text with a _"-K,"_ but that was his thing, not hers. Every single text that she'd received from him over the years had been signed just like that, and she wasn't sure why. It was just another element to their incredibly complex, continuously evolving, always baffling _thing. _

She sat back and pressed send, clicking her screen off. Though she tried, there was no way that Kensi could tear her eyes away from the screen. Less than a minute later it lit up for a second time, and she nearly knocked over her empty beer glass as she reached for the phone.

Kensi swallowed hard and tried to remind herself that breathing was still necessary for living, as she seemed to stop doing it altogether when she opened up her phone and read his text.

"_We should. What are you doing now? I really think we need to talk too, Kens. –D"_

Kensi was well aware that he must have been thinking about her as much as she was thinking about him- that was the only reason why you met someone in the middle of the night to talk about your feelings. The short time gap they had spent apart must have been filled with a never-ending stream of thoughts about her, and she knew it.

There was no point in lying as to her whereabouts, so Kensi typed quickly and pressed send before she could think twice about it.

"_I'm at a bar, having a beer. You?"_

Deeks' reply was delivered in seconds.

"_Same, actually. –D"_

Kensi had a strange feeling suddenly, as this wasn't just her typical neighborhood hang out; it was Deeks' as well.

She spun around in her stool and let her eyes glance over every person in the room before she noticed someone in particular who stood out to her: it was Deeks.

He was sitting all alone at a tiny booth in the back, staring at her with a mixture of shock and amusement.

Of course they'd both had the exact same idea after work- not to go home and sleep like normal human beings, but instead to go into an old bar and have a beer to drown away their sorrows.

Grinning, she stood up and slowly walked over to the table where he sat, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows as she stood directly in front of him.

"So you're stalking me now? Is that what we've come to?"

He finally broke into a crooked smile and shook his head.

"Do you want another drink Kens?"

So he wasn't going to tease her back? That was certainly a first.

"No. I'm good," she replied, slipping into the seat next to him.

Though she wouldn't have minded one more drink, Kensi knew that she needed to be completely sober for the conversation that they were about to have.

They stared at one another for a moment, each holding the others steady gaze. Deeks surprised Kensi as a smile slowly grew on his face, until he dropped his eyes down to the table.

"What are we doing Kens?"

She opened her mouth to speak but shut it again quickly, puzzled by his question and unsure of what to do or say. Luckily for her sake though, he elaborated.

"I mean what are _we? _Partners? Friends? I just don't get it."

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. Kensi couldn't tell exactly what he was leading to, and the slightest hint of fear came over her.

Were those the only two options? Or was there another one, a third one that surpassed all the others.

Her heart raced as she carefully crafted her words; Kensi knew that if Deeks didn't feel the same way, he would never let her forget the next comment she was about to make.

"I think you're my type."

His head shot up, and Deeks couldn't help but grin happily at her comment.

"You do?"

"Yes."

He wasn't quick to speak, and it was rather disconcerting. In reality Deeks was just thinking, meticulously calculating what it was that he should say next. Kensi didn't see it that way though.

She grabbed her bag from the seat beside her and stood up clumsily, bumping the underside of the table with her knees as she got up.

"You know what Deeks? I'm done. For once in your life, you could try to just say what you actually mean- but no, that's too much to ask for."

Teary eyed, she spun around and speed walked towards the door, throwing a five-dollar bill down on the bar before she left.

"Kens! Kensi!"

Deeks hollered out after her, but she was already long gone before he could stop her.

"Shit."

Pulling out a couple of dollars from his pocket, he got up quickly and chased after her, his own heart sinking as he pushed through the door towards the parking lot.

She was about ten paces ahead of him, walking swiftly.

He stopped following her, and instead just called out after her. "Kens, can we please just talk for a minute?"

Kensi slowed down and then stopped altogether. Deeks watched from behind as her head dropped and she traced circles in the pavement with her shoe.

"It's fine Deeks. You don't have to do this."

He laughed aloud, clearly exhasperated. "Do _what?"_

She exhaled loudly and spun around, still keeping the distance between them.

"…Pretend that I'm more than a partner to you! If you don't feel the same way, then that's fine."

And there it was. She'd said it. Finally.

Kensi's heart began thumping in her chest, the excitement and anticipation mounting inside of her with each passing second.

Deeks was stunned to silence, but quickly regained his voice. "So that's how you feel?"

Kensi had already said it- what was the harm in elaborating?

"Yes Deeks! That's how I feel!" She bit her lip, her eyes becoming misty once more. "I don't just think that you're my type, Deeks. I- I love you, you moron! How do you not already know that?! Maybe once, just once, you could try actually communicating, rather than just continuing to talk in circles with me and- wait, what are you-"

He closed the gap between in no time, pulling her into a long, drawn out kiss. She was just… perfection in his arms. She fit effortlessly there, as if it was all just meant to be. Kensi was no longer tense beside him; instead she just wrapped her arms up around his neck, pulling him closer still.

Deeks eventually pulled away, just far enough to mutter a few words. "You are definitely my type. And more importantly, I love you too."

She chuckled and shook her head, happy to kiss him once more- but even happier that she would be able to kiss him endlessly, for the rest of forever.

**FIN**

* * *

**Anyone find the ending a bit reminiscent of Descent? That's what I was going for=)**** Hope you all enjoyed that little two chapter story!**

**-Hazel**


End file.
